2021 Posts
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We All Deserve to Be Heard, I’ll go First
Depression is a deep dark hole you can’t seem to find a way out of. Depression is someone handing you a ladder and they keep screaming at you to climb up it, but you have no arms. Depression is bigger than just pain, depression kills.
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Twelve Ways I Changed My Mindset
I got tired of waking in the mirror and immediately lifting up my shirt to see how flat my stomach looked that morning. I was tired of my clothes feeling snug across my thighs or crying because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to women on Instagram. I constantly felt lost and aggravated that my life felt like it was at a stand-still and I didn’t know what forward looked like. I found forward.
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It’s Time to Celebrate the Beginnings
I've had a lot of silent battles I’ve been hurdling these last few months. I’ve wiped my own tears and comforted myself in dark moments. I lost and gained and lived through so many different highs and lows throughout this journey. I built and layered the skin that lays across my bones to be tough and brave and humble.
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I am not my Pain and Neither are You
My whole perspective has been what I was losing, what I left behind. But I’ve gained so much, I’ve built a life for myself that I promised I would. I achieved a goal I was so afraid to face. I’m doing exactly what I promised myself I’d do for years. And none of that means I don’t get to miss my old life or hurt when those memories crash in, but it’s time to let the pain go from overwhelming the beauty of everything else.
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Moving to a New State has Taught Me More Than I Could Have Ever Imagined
I’ve been incredibly vulnerable, honest, and true to myself. I’ve poured my heart out and have had it smashed to pieces. I’ve learned some incredibly difficult lessons. I understand the value of time spent with someone, when to hold my tongue and listen, and when to speak up if I’m uncomfortable. I’ve learned what I want out of my life, who I want to be, and what I will no longer tolerate. I’ve started therapy and learned mourning my old life is normal. I’ve grown and changed but still pieces of me remain the same.
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Month Three – It’s About Following Your Intuition
Moving here has been the bravest most challenging thing I’ve done for myself. I walked into a new life not knowing the friends I would meet or the roots I would plant here but I went anyways into the unknown. A type of courage, a type of pain. There is still so much to discover and still parts of me to understand completely. Yet, I know now I’ll be just fine with whatever is thrown my way because I move intuitively.
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Even Writers Lose Their Words Sometimes so Here’s Something Else
I think sometimes we forget how lucky we are to live such easy lives. That our only concerns are feeling a bit lonely, a little lost, slightly sad but incredibly blessed. I know how beautiful life is, I capture it every way I can. I try to hold onto moments and soak in sunshine. I fall in love with poetry and books. I immerse in quiet moments but live for chaos. I believe there’s more good in the world than bad. And I hope wherever you are and whatever you’re facing you can enjoy your little moments too.
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A Letter I Never Sent You
I was holding my breath waiting for the pain to come crashing into me. There were so many fearful moments wondering if this was it. But when it finally happened I knew without a doubt. And yes it hurt like hell, a certain pain you can’t prepare for – and even now my heart stings. But I have to thank you for being strong enough for both of us because the anticipation of the end was so daunting I could barely think straight.
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One Step Forward Two Steps Back – The Dance of Life
It’s unfair to compare an old life to a new one, but that’s what I keep doing this week. I look back on photos and memories that are just that and I wonder if I made a mistake. I’ve made new friends and memories in this new life too, but they hold a different weight. I had my first big cry, the other day, since moving here 3 weeks ago, but instead of looking at it as a sign of weakness I try to remind myself it’s a sign of change. My heart is healing, my doors are opening, my world is expanding, and these are growing pains.
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The Beginning Of My Journey – One I Never Took Alone
Someone recently said to me, the only problem with moving is that you bring all of yourself with you. But I disagree, I think the best part about moving is all that you bring within yourself. You bring your mother’s charm, your father’s courage, your sibling’s humor, your best friend’s warmth, your life is made up of the people around you regardless of where you go, and I think that’s beautiful.