Why is it Single People are Always Told They Need to Love Themselves?
Is anyone else tired of hearing, people in relationships say, that you just need to love yourself and then you’ll find the right person? Because I think that’s a load of BS.
I remember when I was young thinking I’d be married at twenty-five and have a family by twenty-eight. Today I’m twenty-eight and I’m single – like really single.
Dating is hard. Dating is even harder when you have self-worth and high standards. And by no means should you lower those standards either. We already love ourselves; it’d be impossible to date in these circumstances if we didn’t – believe me it’s rough out there.
We live in an age where the grass always seems greener on the other side. Hard work and though conversations aren’t highlighted on everyone’s Instagram accounts. We don’t see the tears, or long nights on each other’s stories; we see the perfect moments captured instead.
We have instant validation with everything we do. Post a photo on social media and gain 250 likes in a matter of hours. A new TikTok dance can gain you 700 new followers. Your highlight reel is astatically pleasing? New brand deal with Lululemon. But relationships don’t work like that. However, those are the expectations. Which is why ghosting, short-lived relationships, and serial dating are constant patterns we see today.
And guess what? Loving yourself even more, as great as that is, isn’t going to change the fact that dating is really hard.
I’m not saying to stop working on your goals and pursing your wants. But I am saying that you can accomplish all your dreams, have an amazing routine, be a kick-ass human being and STILL struggle when it comes to dating.
Instead of telling you to love yourself more, I want to tell you that you are good enough for love right where you are today. You don’t need to “date yourself” for the 50th time to be deserving of a good relationship. And it’s OK to be out there searching because finding someone the minute you “stop looking” isn’t a reality for everyone.
You are going to find someone who is worth it, and it’s not because you’re going to love yourself more between now and then but because you’re already deserving.
The Longest Lesson: Lesson’s of an Empowered Woman is written by – Felicia Kopec
One Comment
Ian
I can’t imagine dating in today’s world. I’m eternally grateful that I met my fiancé in undergrad but of course sooo many people are now in the “real world” and don’t have the social opportunities they had when they were younger.
I have no idea how to make new friends outside of school/work. The lockdown really messed us all up because it took away our only (easy) opportunity to meet new people.
I tell myself I’m going to gather the courage to engage with new people face to face and try to make connections, but that day still hasn’t come yet… but I imagine that’s the way dating should be in order for it to be successful. I would imagine you’re less likely to be “ghosted” when you force yourself to be seen as more than a profile picture and a bio. Breaking through that comfort zone is said than done though, just like with making new friends.
The instant gratification from social media has ruined us, and I think knowing that we ARE deserving of love helps us realize that the rejections we feel online or from people looking for that quick validation don’t matter. They never took the time to really know us, and that’s their loss.