The Five Bar Languages

Just like the book, The Five Love Languages there are five bar languages that need to be addressed. These five languages are Body Signals, Playing Hard to Get, A Girl’s Night Out, Saturday’s For the Boys, and Sex Hunting. These bar languages are the secret to sex that actually happens that night.

Body Signals

Using body signals to show how you feel towards someone is the perfect way to show you want to go home and ride them all night long, or you want them to go fuck off. Eye contact, grinding, and twirling your hair are the signs that show you’re ready to get down and dirty with this person. However, a turned back, eye rolling, and hiking your low-cut top up towards your chin proves to this person you’re just not interested.

If your bar language is body signals than these clear indications will prove what you are after. In turn, you don’t keep what you want from someone a secret.

Playing Hard to Get

This language is sometimes hard for others to distinguish. Playing hard to get is an art form few have truly mastered. You are someone who keeps things friendly with a twist of flirtation. You keep the person you’re interested in on their toes, so they truly can’t stand not having you. Accidentally brushing your hand against theirs, laughing at their bad jokes, and leaving your phone face down at all time keeps you a mystery they want to solve.

If your bar language is playing hard to get than staying flirty is your strong suit. All around, you will probably end up going home by yourself but not without sending a risky text later to keep things interesting.

A Girl’s Night Out

Men, listen up. If her bar language of the night is a girl’s night out – do not even try to approach her. If a girl is out having a wild time with her friends and turning away every guy who comes up to her. She is having an anti-men night. You can tell it’s a girl’s night out when the group of girls are huddled into a tight circle that allow no outsiders in, the group has already thrown multiple men the finger, and there is a lot of snap chatting happening.

If her bar language is a girl’s night out than you are 100% not getting laid by her. Move on or go home alone.

Saturday’s Are for The Boys

Ladies, the easiest way to tell if it’s a Saturday for the boy’s type of night is by looking at what the group is wearing. If it is a Polo, with Top-man Stone Skinny Chinos, and boat shoes. You can ensure it’s a Saturday for the boy’s type of evening. This is lucky for you, because those frat boys are down to fuck anything. Their Saturday’s are for the boy’s bar language includes, cat calling, chugging Burnettes liquor, and singing along with any song by Dave Matthews Band.

If you are desperate and see a man out showing this type of bar language you can ensure you are getting laid. Don’t worry about trying, just say the magic words, ‘wanna get out of here?’

Sex Hunting

This bar language is the easiest one to notice out of all five bar languages. If you are sex hunting this means you have pre-planned your night to end with a bang. You have taken the extra time to get ready, ensure you smell good, and threw back a few tequila shots. The signals you give off with your bar language includes buying the opposite gender a drink, making-out with the person of your interest after catching their first name, and having the Uber app already open and ready to use. You know what you want and you are ready to go and get it – just like a lion with its prey.

If sex hunting is your bar language you can ensure you are getting laid. Being up front and forward about what you want and who you want it with, is within your bar language advantage. Be safe out there.

Don’t have another unsuccessful night out at the bar. Knowing someone’s bar language can help you meet your sexual needs by ensuring you are approaching someone who speaks the same bar language that you do.

Lesson Learned: Everyone has their own bar language. Find out yours to ensure a happy ending to your night out.

This is not a sponsored blog by Uber, TopMan, Polo, or Brunettes. However, any offers are welcomed. #TheLongestLesson #AParodyPost