We All Deserve to Be Heard, I’ll go First

I often hear feedback about how confident and sure I am, but I wasn’t always this way.

Several years ago I was in a really dark place, a place that I didn’t know how to get out of, and I didn’t think I’d see 28 – hell, I didn’t even get to the thought of turning 28. At that time, I didn’t even picture 21. It’s not easy to share, but I think it’s important.

We all deserve to be heard, I’ll go first.

“Depression hurts” that’s what I’ve been told, and that’s what the lady on the commercial keeps stating. No, depression doesn’t hurt; depression is something else entirely.

Depression is a deep dark hole you can’t seem to find a way out of. Depression is someone handing you a ladder and they keep screaming at you to climb up it, but you have no arms. Depression is bigger than just pain, depression kills.

I suffocated at the hands of depression.

It wasn’t that my friends didn’t care, or that my family wouldn’t miss me, I knew those things deep down inside. But I had earmuffs on, and the world was screaming for me to hear how they cared so much about me, but I couldn’t hear them.

A lot of people say suicide is selfish. I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think any person who considers killing themselves actually wants to, nor do I think they do it to hurt anyone else. I think when pain is so astonishing it overpowers reason, constructive thinking, and the ability to make sense of the people or world surrounding you.

I didn’t want to die; I knew that even then – but all I could focus on was escaping the pain I was in. I couldn’t fathom things getting better, that’s how deep in I was; literally drowning in depression.

The lady on the commercial keeps saying, “depression hurts” but nobody told me how to fix it.

It’s weird thinking back, I can’t remember the day, the month, or even the season it was when I decided I didn’t want to go on. It happened so fast. I was stepping out of the shower and just decided right then at there. It’s strange how nothing mattered at that time.

I didn’t do it. I have a very dear friend to thank for that.

I remember only a few days before my dad handed me a business card for a counselor, and I remember being so annoyed thinking how I could manage things all on my own. I stuffed the number in the back of my jeans pocket planning to tear it up later.

That day, the day that’s crystal clear yet incredibly blurry is the day I dialed that number.

I’m so glad I did, because I love my life.

You might be wondering why I just shared such an intimate story publicly.

Because we go all through difficult situations, yet social media makes us feel like we’re all living such perfect lives. I think if I stubbled across a piece of work that related to what I was feeling, I would have realized I wasn’t alone in the world facing such hell on my own. I think it would have helped to know someone does feel the way I do. It would have given me hope when I truly didn’t have any.

We all face different struggles.

Some of us have been depressed, some are depressed.

Some face learning disabilities, or ADHD.

Some have lost people they love; others have lost their way.

Some of us are lonely or going through a breakup.

Some are looking for a new start but have no idea where to begin.

Some stories are past tense, they’re about divorces, being bullied, fighting internal battles.

Some are present.

We are a community. My blog has taught me that we’re in this life together weather we want to lean on each other or not.

I want to expand on that.

I want to offer a podcast, a place anyone belongs.

I want to allow others to tell their stories no matter how wide they range, on what they went through and how they overcame it so that someone somewhere can feel heard.

We all deserve to feel heard.

The Longest Lesson: Lesson’s of an Empowered Woman is written by Felicia Kopec

If you believe you’d like to share your story please fill out the form below with your name, email address where I can follow-up with you, and a short message on what you’re interested in discussing and why.

#YourStoryMatters